


Sexy Beach Episode

by OperationNantucket



Series: Milk Drabbles [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crack, Pantsing, Rip England lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29692179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OperationNantucket/pseuds/OperationNantucket
Summary: It’s hot as hell at the meeting in Florida. What else is there to do except go to the beach?
Series: Milk Drabbles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182035
Kudos: 3





	Sexy Beach Episode

It was late July. The Nations came together for yet another boring, pointless world meeting that was really just like nine of them because the rest of the world was pretty forgettable. Their bosses decided that somehow diplomatic meetings were useful in promoting peace among their kind, which is actually impossible. They had totally been going at each other’s throats for centuries, and there was definitely no reason to stop that now even if it’s good PR to shake hands. 

They were meeting in some beach city on the coast of Florida, the late summer humidity kicking some ass. France had shed his tie and coat- thankfully no other articles of clothing, for once- and Italy much the same. England and Germany both bore similar complexions to that of a freshly picked and ripe strawberry, sweating like the pigs they are. Russia disturbingly just looked somewhat constipated with the stifling heat, fanning himself every once in a while with classified documents. 

Of course, there was also America, who was basically indifferent to any weather the world throws at him above 60 degrees. He could be wandering Death Valley halfway in delirium and still kind of function, somehow. Still, in a show of camaraderie he decided to unbutton his shirt as he droned on about oil or something. No one was listening, as was usual. 

Eventually, he concluded his speech and moved to sit down, tugging at his collar. Germany then stood at the front of the room, wheezily declaring it to be lunch time. Half of them were so exhausted they didn’t even move an inch. 

America, of course, could not have stood for this. He jumped up and hollered:

“Beach trip!”

A chorus of groans rang throughout the sticky hot conference center, everyone overheated and weary. 

“Oh come on guys! You guys are all so old and annoying. Come to the beach with me!” America would not hear the end of it. Everyone had to go to the beach and strip, and that was that. There was no other good way to get half naked blackmail on the other Nations that was as convenient as this. 

Eventually, he managed to crowd Germany, Italy, France, and Japan into some random repairman’s van that he broke into. He could pay the man back later or something. After hauling England up over his shoulder and practically throwing him on the van floor, they were good to go. England just groaned from the heat exhaustion and stayed slumped there among random tools and Cheeto dust. 

It was not long before they reached the beach. Mighty blue waves crashed upon the shore, scaring children and seagulls alike. Perfect. Italy shrieked and ran into the waves, forgetting to strip or even breathe. Germany ran after him while yelling something about drowning, but it was totally fine, he’s just an anal hypochondriac sometimes. 

America deemed the Germany and Italy blackmail a total lost cause at this point, because Italy hacking up seawater was not sexy at all. He definitely couldn’t blackmail France, because France was already naked half the time with his loose morals and body. Japan was his homie, too, so he couldn’t blackmail him lest he leak his search history to everyone to retaliate. That definitely couldn’t happen. 

The next best option was England. England was a perfect candidate. He rarely got naked (in public), he wasn’t stupid enough to try and drink the ocean, and he was basically technologically hanicapped. He probably didn’t even know what a search history was, or even that you could search things in the first place.

America grinned. This was it.

They spent a bit setting up, substituting beach towels with a tarp they found in the back of the van. France draped himself across the tarp to tan, sighing dramatically like usual. Japan sat back and started to read some sort of shounen on his phone, content to just listen to the waves. England almost did this too, until America grabbed him and pulled him back.

“Oh no you don’t old man!” England spluttered uglily as America yanked his arm and dragged him further down the beach, then pushed him into the water. England was awake now, and livid in that little Anglo way of his. This was normal, until America quickly pulled out his phone and tugged England’s pants all the way down.

He got the photo! America cackled as he turned around and bolted back the way they came, maniacal with glee now that he had the perfect nude. Now he could expose to everyone the real truth of the world, confirming that yes, England’s penis was as tiny as everyone thought.


End file.
